Bible Quote of the Day

Leviticus 15:17

Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening.

Uh, gee, can't I use bleach?

Finally... A Great Use for a Bible

Authorities in Ohio said a 16-year-old arrested for drug possession allegedly used a page torn from his Bible as a marijuana cigarette rolling paper.

The Erie County sheriff deputy's report said the teenager's mother called authorities at about 11:35 p.m. Tuesday and asked deputies to meet her at a car wash on Ohio 101 in Margaretta Township, the Sandusky (Ohio) Register reported Monday.

The mother told deputies she had seen her son smoking in his room and discovered a small bag of marijuana in his nightstand.

The report said the woman told deputies the boy "was smoking a marijuana cigarette using a page from his Bible."

Deputies confiscated the marijuana and the boy was arrested and charged with drug possession.

What an intrepid young man! I've never found the bible to be useful for much of anything, but he found an interesting use...

I wonder if the page was from Exodus 3?

Now That Sounds Like a Good Trade

A college atheist group is offering students pornography in exchange for Bibles.

Atheist Agenda calls the exchange "Smut for Smut," prompting prayers and protests from Christian students at the University of Texas San Antonio campus.

Student Monica Cornado says it's offensive to compare pornography to "the Word of God."

University officials say the atheist group has the right to conduct the swap.

I'm LMFAO. I don't think there is much thought behind this, but it is rather amusing.

Not Even Bush Believes in Literal Bible

US President George W. Bush said in an interview Monday that the Bible is "probably not" literally true and that a belief that God created the world is compatible with the theory of evolution.

Interesting. I tend to think that most religious people do not believe in the literal truth of the christian bible. But I might be wrong.

It really wouldn't surprise me to find out that I am wrong because people, in general, tend to be stupider than I give them credit for being.

Not sure I understand exactly what Bush's position on evolution actually is... but then again, the man is less than consistently coherent in his public statements.

Biblical Wisdom, Part 11 -- On Bastards

1 He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord.

2 A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the Lord.

Deuteronomy 23:1

Wouldn't you think that anyone with his member cut off or his stones wounded would have suffered enough? And it just doesn't seem fair to me to punish the child (that'd be the bastard) for the "sins" of his parents. Then again, if you read the bible god doesn't give a shit about fairness.

Biblical Wisdom, Part 10

"And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven" (Matthew 23:9).

So what was I supposed to call my actual father, then?

The Bible Promotes Child Abuse... Again

The parents of an 11-year-old girl who died Sunday from an untreated form of diabetes prayed for the girl's health rather than seek medical intervention, police said.

According to police, Madeline Kara Neumann of the town of Weston died of diabetic ketoacidosis, a condition that develops when a person's body has too little insulin. She reportedly had not received medical treatment since she was 3 years old, said Everest Metro Police Chief Dan Vergin, whose department is investigating.

Interesting. Here again, we have people deciding to pray instead of seek medical help. But these are the people who truly believe what is in the bible... not the people who would have taken the child to the doctor, which would have undoubtedly prolonged the child's life. After all, John 16:23 contains that phrase "...Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you." So these people believed the lies in the bible, asked, but did not receive.

Oh, sure, they are nut balls. But anyone who believes what is in the bible is a nut ball IMHO. The parents deserve the fate that befalls them. One dead daughter and the rest of their children taken away from them. But things like this should jar the "faithful" awake and make them wonder "Hey, just what the fuck do we actually believe here?" I mean, if we are a "Christian nation" as the right wing wants us to believe, why would these parents need to have their children taken away from them? After all, they are just following their christian faith.

Biblical Wisdom, Part 9

1 Samuel 18:25-27

And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines.

And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king's son in law: and the days were not expired.

Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.

Hey, if I only needed 100 foreskins no way I'm gonna go out and double it. Getting a hundred of those suckers would be hard enough (no pun intended)... I s'pose it only took one foreskin (my own, lopped off when I was a baby) to win over my wife.

Biblical Wisdom, Part 8 - On Slavery and Women

Exodus 21:7-11

21:7
And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do.
21:8
If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her.
21:9
And if he have betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters.
21:10
If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.
21:11
And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.

Makes me wonder how any woman in the 21st century could be a christian (or a practicing Jew, for that matter).

Biblical Wisdom, Part 7

Matthew 19:12

For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Err, um, I am not able.

Biblical Wisdom, Part 6

Deuteronomy 28:53

And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters, which the LORD thy God hath given thee, in the siege, and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee

I guess when you get tired of eating your own shit and drinking your own piss (see Biblical Wisdom, Part 5) you can start chowing down on your children. Praise god!

Biblical Wisdom, Part 5 -- On Eating Shit

2 Kings 18:27

But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?

Ezekial 4:12

And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight


And shell fish is supposed to be unclean?

Biblical Wisdom, Part 4

Psalm 137:9

Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

Biblical Wisdom, Part 3

Here is another one of my favorite stupid Bible quotes... I mean, if God is all-powerful, what is the deal with iron? Is it some kind of holy kryptonite?

Judges 1:19

And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.

Biblical Wisdom, Part 2

Especially for Bob:

II Kings 2:23-23

And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Biblical Wisdom, Part 1

Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces. - Malachi 2:3