Sunday, February 24, 2008

Biblical Wisdom, Part 9

1 Samuel 18:25-27

And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines.

And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king's son in law: and the days were not expired.

Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.

Hey, if I only needed 100 foreskins no way I'm gonna go out and double it. Getting a hundred of those suckers would be hard enough (no pun intended)... I s'pose it only took one foreskin (my own, lopped off when I was a baby) to win over my wife.


Ceroill said...

The Wisdom of Monty Python

MAYNARD: Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty-One.
BROTHER: "And Saint Atila raised the hand grenade up on high,
saying, 'Oh, Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou
mayest blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord
did grin, and people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and
carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and
fruit bats, and large --"
MAYNARD: Skip a bit, Brother.
BROTHER: "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out
the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less.
Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the
counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either
count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is
right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be
reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards
thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'"

csm said...

Love Python, Bob. I also love that hymn (from The Meaning of Life, I think) that goes something like "Oh Lord please don't kill us, don't smash us into bits..." and so on.

Ceroill said...

Are you sure you're not thinking of the Ballad of Sir Robin? Or the monks' chant? Of course it's very possible I'm just having a memory glitch.

csm said...

No, I am thinking of a church service where one of the Pythons (I think it was Eric Idle) was leading the parishoners in this song of praise asking god not to kill them. I'll have to do some digging to see if I can find for sure if it is in The Meaning of Life (think so).

Ceroill said...

Ahhh, ok. I look forward to the fruits of your research.

csm said...

Found it Bob! It is in "The Meaning of Life" right after the "Every Sperm is Sacred" song. The pastor is leading the flock in a song asking god not to cook them in various ways. Hilarious.